sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was born a porn star she said
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
