ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
