i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
