my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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