i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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