: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
