They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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