using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
