My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
