so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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