At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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