She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
