I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You made out with two different species that night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
