Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
