u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
