i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
