you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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