I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let's get the cat blown out
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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