he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize