I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
