can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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