Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
