I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
