Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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