He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
