I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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