glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
