I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
