i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
