is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
