doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
