did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
