ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
