Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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