I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize