just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just want nice things and good sex
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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