I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am available for nakedness
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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