Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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