Your mouth is God's brothel.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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