Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
