No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
