tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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