FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
