you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
