OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
