there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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