that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize