I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
