I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
