he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
