so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize