I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
