I showed him my bush... on skype.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
