So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
