I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
