I just pynch a tree in the face
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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