He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We left the knife in your bed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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