Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
