I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize