Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
