By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
