I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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