are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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