They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
