Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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