If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
