he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize