I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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