Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
