this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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