Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
