Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
