After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
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