I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
