operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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