So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
