So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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