Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
