I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
