I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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