Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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