Say something about gay babies.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
