I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
