if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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