when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
