I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
