Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
