I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
