I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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