Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
