What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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