oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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