so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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