two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im holly from the hills drunk
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize