If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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