I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
