Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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